When I first typed that out, I thought to myself, what a sad title for a post. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. Of course I have friends. Sort of.
My friends are scattered across the world. They’re in Scotland. In London, Paris, Germany. Turkey. India. Australia. New Zealand. The States. Canada. I could make an around the world trip and see everyone. But people at home? Those girlfriends from your childhood that everyone seems to have? I don’t have those.
I have tried to stay in touch with people. I don’t speak to my best friends from high school anymore. I tried, oh believe me I tried. When I began working on the boat, I would call the girls when I was in port. It always went to voicemail and no one ever called me back. We’ve all seen each other only a few times since the first few weddings, and they don’t even “like” or comment on Facebook photos. Do I know what everyone is up to? Sure – thanks to Facebook, I know who’s pregnant, who’s engaged, who got a promotion, and who got divorced.
I lost touch with most of my college friends years ago. My grad school friends and I are the closest: we see each other when we are in the same place, we use email and messenger to stay in touch. I reconnected with several people within the last few years; thanks to Whats App and Facebook messenger, I am in solid contact with them.
But here are five reasons I have no friends.
i’m terrible at email. In this day and age, communication should be really easy. With a few taps on a screen, I can send a text or email to anyone in the world, ever. I sent Ada a picture of me and Christian during the Super Bowl. She’s in Seattle, we are in New Zealand. Apps like Facebook gives me the chance to share photos and stories with people anywhere in the world.
But sometimes, internet doesn’t work. And screw time zones. I am 99% sure I miss most birthdays because of the time difference. I also am that person that reads an email or a text and says to myself, “I’ll reply later.” and seven months later, I remember.
i don’t make plans. You’ve got a wedding coming up? Yeah, I could probably make it… providing I’m not in x, y, or z country. I pushed back my New Zealand plans in order to attend two of my cousins weddings, both in New York. I came back early from Panama to attend Vanessa and Neil’s wedding in DC. But now I’m in New Zealand and I’ll be damned if I can even afford to travel back to the States at the moment. Besides, who knows where I’ll be when your wedding even happens. Put me down for it but I’ll have to let you know.
i’m flighty. See the two above paragraphs. i agree to a phone call or Skype and then I forget about it. I oversleep. I go out instead. When I realise I missed it, I’m profusely sorry. I really did forget, but that can’t make it better. I reschedule but inevitably something else goes wrong.
i brag. Oh you’re stuck in the office during a winter storm? Hey, check out this beach I’m relaxing on. Did I mention I went sailing? It was alright, not a lot of wind, but we drank champagne after the dolphins came to play with us. Oh my god – I just climbed a mountain! How’s your day going?! Yeah. Sorry I’m not sorry. I made a choice about my life and you made yours. I’m going to share what I’m up to and if you can’t be assed to think it’s awesome then …. sorry? Not.
My newsfeed is constantly full of baby pictures and engagement news… which is bragging in its own right. Since that’s not where I am in my life, why can’t I share what I am up to?
i’m not there. It’s a sad fact that so many people make friends based on proximity to themselves and when you’re not there, you get shoved aside for someone who is. I thank my lucky stars for friends like Sarah and Matt, who send me a message when something important happens in their life, rather than letting me read about it on the book of face. But really, when something good happens, you celebrate with the people who are there to take you out for drinks or dinner. When something bad happens, you lean on the people who can be physically there for you. And I am not.
This one hurts the most, actually. I haven’t held my friends’ newborns (granted, these friends are in Europe!) I see Sarah’s kids when I’m in Kansas City, and luckily T is old enough to remember me… E, not so much. She’ll forget me by the time I get back from New Zealand. I’m not there when someone passes away, and I don’t get invited to weddings because people assume I can’t or won’t make it.
Do I love my life? Of course. Am I finally happy with where I ended up in it? Absolutely. But sometimes, I just want to be able to have the sort of girlfriends like Sex and the City, or the group of friends from How I Met Your Mother. And I know that my peripatetic lifestyle doesn’t allow for that right now.
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